Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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