Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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