non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
