Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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