She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Randomize
