Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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