the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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