You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
