apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
