does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
