Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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