Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
