So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
