So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
