The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
