wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
