things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
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