its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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