I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize