I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Randomize
