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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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