I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
