just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
