Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Randomize
