singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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