I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
We have started to decorate penises.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
