I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
