how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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