I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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