Nicole vs. Life
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
well I can't set my house on fire every night
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
