I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
