I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize