in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
