I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
