my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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