Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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