I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
