"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Randomize
