He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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