I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
It's official drugs can't kill me
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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