so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
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