At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
