My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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