He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize