Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
