Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
