I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
