Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Randomize
