My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
