Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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