woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
