I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
