I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
