We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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