Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
