My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
