Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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