In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
