i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
