2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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