Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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