i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
the gays at disneyland are vicious
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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