I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
