The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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