Sponge bath it is.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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