So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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