real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
