Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
