I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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