she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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