i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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