he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
