So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
