with your own penis?
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
now i know why i became what i already was.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
