tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
