and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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