Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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