you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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