I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
bring money and cleavage
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Randomize
