Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize