i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
